Self-Esteem Bricks

Last week I shared an article on humilty and promised a follow-up on self-esteem.  I feel like I have a problem balancing the self-esteem and humiliy.  This week's article is all about building your self-esteem through accomplishments.  These accomplishments become bricks that survive adversity. 

In regards to humilty I think self-promotion can turn those bricks into straw or wood.  Some of the best bricks we can create are when we teach others.  Even if the motivation is to help others, if it turns into self-promotion then the bricks can be destroyed.   I think that is where the balance of humilty and self-esteem gets tricky.   Teaching others is still a great way to build bricks but the teacher must keep it all about the student.  

I also belive that one needs to build bricks in all aspects of their life or you just have a wall instead of a house.  

All in all I do agree with this article, and it does help motivate me to go build some bricks today!

 

 

Self-Esteem Bricks

Subject: Self-esteem, Positive Mental Attitude, Success, Adversity

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One of the toughest things to obtain and maintain is a positive self-esteem.  Self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves, where positive is the condition we wish to maintain.

But how does one go about developing a positive self-esteem?  In order to be positive one must have an optimistic view about the possibility of things we trying to achieve or accomplish. 

Only through personal successes, small or big, do we enforce or reinforce our self-esteem. 

I’m often reminded of the story of the three little pigs when I think of self-esteem.  In the story, each pig chose the type of material they would use to build their house.  One chose straw, the other wood and the last one brick.  The big bad wolf was able to blow down the first two, but failed to blow down the house made of brick.

In life and in business, we run across situations or individuals for that matter who will try to blow our house down.  When you lose your job the first thing you begin to question is why did this happen to you?  What did you do wrong?  What could you have done better?  All these questions are puffs or gusts aimed at bringing down our house of self-esteem. 

Some of us have self-esteem houses made of straw.  This lightweight material is the result of always depending on others for help and never achieving a sense of self-reliance.  A person who has never accepted responsibility or accountability for their actions completely will always have their house blown down with the slightest puff of an unfavorable circumstance.  For example, people who live off of government subsidies to survive or who chose not to get an education are always in danger of getting their self-esteem house knocked down.

Those who’ve chosen wood are usually those who’ve always piggy-backed off of other’s successes.  People who’ve never gone it alone or taken any risk themselves and have always played it safe.  These people assume some accountability and responsibility to the degree others will cover for them if things go wrong.  There are those that can withstand small puffs and get by.  But this same group people who use wood to build their houses will have it collapse at the first gust of real adversity.  Good example of this group would be people who overextend themselves on debt or try to leave beyond their means.  And when they lose their job, for instance, their seemingly solid house of wood begins to collapse under the weight of debt.    

The question we need to ask is, how do we construct a house of self-esteem made of brick?  Well like any good builder, it begins with acquiring the proper material.  The best material for building comes from our past.  Each brick we lay is a reminder of all the great things we’ve done in the past.  And the mortar we lay between them is our confidence that we can do these things again. 

Often times in the face of adversity, we panic and depress ourselves.  We commit a great crime against our self-esteem by not remembering all the good things we’ve accomplished.  We forget about all those times where we surmounted the problems and dealt with adversity face on. 

When we surrender self-esteem in the present, it is because we’ve forgotten or forsaken our past.  I hear many motivational speakers and pundits who say the past is the past.  I disagree to the extent that remembering successes and lessons learned is worth looking back at.  Looking back into the past is a reminder of how far we’ve come. 

Adversity and personal challenges to overcome are part of the success equation. As many have said, it is how we confront these setbacks that determine our character going forward.  Difficult times will come, but they won’t last unless you allow them to. 

Look back at your accomplishments and reflect on who you are and how far you’ve come.  Then turn your head and look forward, over the present obstacles, and see the possibilities.  Build your house with bricks of personal accomplishments and private successes and you will never have to fear the gust of change shaking your foundation.

Please forward this article; share it with a friend who may need a few words of inspiration.

Victor Antonio G., a top business motivational speaker and author of “The LOGIC of Success”.  

Copyright © 2004 by Victor Antonio G.   All rights reserved.  This article MAY be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, as long as the author’s name, website and email address are included as part of the article’s body.  All inquiries, including information on electronic licensing, should be directed to Victor Antonio G. 

Victor Antonio G.,  Sales Influence   All Rights Reserved 2002-2009,

A business motivational keynote speaker for events and conventions 

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Humility

  One of the toughest balances I find in my life is to maintain both a good self-esteem and also maintain humility.  Self-esteem might be a topic for another day.  Below I have shared a snippet from one article about the 5 suggested ways to practice humility.  After that there is an entire brief article on Humility.   Both of these articles mention Tim Collin's Good to Great book.  I read this book many years ago but one of the main points I took from that book is that it does not usually serve one well to trumpet their successes.  Some things you read may make sense when you read them but putting them to practice may prove out that it just does not suit you well.  The lessons of humilty from Good to Great continue to stand up against time.  I try to stand-up for my mistakes and push the credit of my successes onto others.  In my humbleness I'll let you read what other smarter people wrote but I love how the final article ends: 
People with humility do not think less of themselves; they just think about themselves less.

5 Suggestions for Maintaining Humililty

1. There are times when swallowing one's pride is particularly difficult and any intentions of humility fly out the window, as we get engaged in a contest of perfection, each side seeking to look good. If you find yourself in such no-win situations, consider developing some strategies to ensure that the circumstances don't lead you to lose your grace. Try this sometimes: just stop talking and allow the other person to be in the limelight. There is something very liberating in this strategy.
2. Here are three magical words that will produce more peace of mind than a week at an expensive retreat: "You are right."
3. Catch yourself if you benignly slip into over preaching or coaching without permission – is zeal to impose your point of view overtaking discretion? Is your correction of others reflective of your own needs?
4. Seek others' input on how you are showing up in your leadership path. Ask: "How am I doing?" It takes humility to ask such a question. And even more humility to consider the answer.
5. Encourage the practice of humility in your company through your own example: every time you share credit for successes with others, you reinforce the ethos for your constituents. Consider mentoring or coaching emerging leaders on this key attribute of leadership.

There are many benefits to practicing humility, to being in a state of non-pretence: it improves relationships across all levels, it reduces anxiety, it encourages more openness and paradoxically, it enhances one's self-confidence. It opens a window to a higher self. For me, it replaces "windowsill" as the most beautiful word in the English language.

This week's article's link is here

 

Humility – A Leadership Attribute Throughout the Ages

Posted on March 29, 2011 by David Shedd

One of the most difficult challenges for any leader is to remain humble in light of the success that the leader has achieved.  Our business success inevitably leads to greater self-confidence, especially as we inevitably over-estimate our personal role in that business success.  As Bill Gates said well:

Success is a lousy teacher.  It seduces smart people into thinking they cannot lose.

What is Humility?
Humility is the personal honesty that you, as the leader, do not know everything and do not have all the answers.  Humility enables you to question people’s flattery, to admit your mistakes and weaknesses, and to be more open to other’s opinions and challenges to your viewpoints.  It is certainly not a coincidence that in Good to Great, Jim Collins identifies the characteristics of the best leaders as possessing:

A paradoxical blend of personal humility and professional will.

Humility and Ego
In his book, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, Marshall Goldsmith defines 21 weaknesses in leadership behavior that he characterizes as “stupid things top leaders do that they need to stop doing now.”  The root cause of virtually all of these behaviors is the ego of the leader:
1.  The ego that tells the leader that he knows everything and is always right.  As Yogi Berra said:

There are some people who, if they don’t already know, you can’t tell them.

2.  The ego that tells the leader that she is better than the others who are subordinate.
3.  The ego that tells the leader that he does not need to play by the roles.
Through these behaviors leaders have let their ego prevail and lost their humility.  By contrast, successful business leaders have great self-confidence, but they retain their humility and honesty as they realize that while talented and hard-working, they are not perfect, have been greatly aided by others, and (yes) have just been plain lucky.

Humility Across the Ages
This question of humility has been a leadership issue for millennia: 
Ancient China:  “The great leader speaks little.  He works without self-interest and leaves no trace.  When all is finished, the people say: ‘we did it ourselves.’”  Lao-Tzu

Ancient Greece:  The Ancient Greeks had a word for the loss of humility and the triumph of the ego: hubris.  Hubris is the outrageous arrogance where a person in power overestimates his or her own competence and capabilities, gradually loses touch with reality, and (in Greek tragedies) succumbs to a tragic fall.
Ancient Rome:  “To conquer one’s spirit, abandon anger, and be modest in victory… whoever can do this I compare not to the greatest of men but to a god.”  Cicero
Mongol World around 1200:  “The key to leadership is self-control: primarily, the mastery of pride, which is more difficult to subdue than a wild lion.”  Genghis Khan
Louis XIV France: “Louis’s greatest gift was to maintain his quality of common sense in the midst of constant flattery.  Throughout, the king demanded respect and obedience, not flattery.”  Louis XIV biographer, Olivier Bernier

18^th  Century Austria: To keep herself humble and ensure that she did what was right and best for the Austria-Hungarian Empire, the Archduchess Maria Teresa employed one advisor as her official critic.  It was the formal job of Emmanuel Count Sylva-Tarouca to tell Maria Teresa all of her mistakes.


20^th Century America: “To possess self-confidence and humility at the same time is called maturity.”  Jack Welch


Conclusion
As a leader, your success comes about from the success of others.  Maintaining humility allows you to better keep your focus where it needs to be, directed outward towards your team and your customers.  As Ken Blanchard said:

People with humility do not think less of themselves; they just think about themselves less.

10 Golden Lessons From Steve Jobs

Steve Jobs’ recent decision to step down has caused me to reflect on how great of a leader he was.  For years I tried to be a PC guy.  I thought Apple computers were a toy.  I thought Ipod’s were a way overpriced mp3 player.  I recently got an Iphone and upon seeing its design and simplicity I can say I get it and wished I hadn’t shunned Apple products for most of my life.  Even my three-year old son loves the Iphone.  The quality, simplicity, and pleasing user experience are amazing.  Apple truly was one of America’s brightest companies over the past few decades.  It is a shame that Steve Jobs has had to step down and that his health looks to be the reason.  I wish him well and hope that we can gain some wisdom from what he has accomplished.    

Here is a quote from an article about how Apple employees that have started their own companies have the same values of Steve Jobs.

Companies started by Apple employees tend to share common values, these entrepreneurs said: simplicity, excellence in design, a willingness to reject ideas, and a relentless focus on a small set of goals. It is no accident, they say, that those

are also among Jobs' chief values.

Below is a great video of his 2005 commencement speech at Stanford.

 

Here is another article pasted below that shows the 10 golden lessons learned from Steve Jobs’ wisdom.

“I think we’re having fun. I think our customers really like our products. And we’re always trying to do better.”

“I think we’re having fun. I think our customers really like our products. And we’re always trying to do better.”

- Steve Jobs

Steve JobsHis accomplishments and character helped define a generation and change the world. He is co-founder of the fairytale company we now know as Apple Computers. And he is the visionary of the personal computers world that led the entire computer hardware and software industry to restructure itself.

This man with boundless energy and charisma is also a master of hype, hyperbole and the catchy phrase. And even when he’s trying to talk normally, brilliant verbiage comes tumbling out.

Here’s a selection of some of the most insanely great things he said, golden lessons to help you succeed in life, Jobs-style:

1. Steve Jobs said: “Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower.”
Innovation has no limits. The only limit is your imagination. It’s time for you to begin thinking out of the box. If you are involved in a growing industry, think of ways to become more efficient; more customer friendly; and easier to do business with. If you are involved in a shrinking industry – get out of it quick and change before you become obsolete; out of work; or out of business. And remember that procrastination is not an option here. Start innovating now!

2. Steve Jobs said: “Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren’t used to an environment where excellence is expected.”
There is no shortcut to excellence. You will have to make the commitment to make excellence your priority. Use your talents, abilities, and skills in the best way possible and get ahead of others by giving that little extra. Live by a higher standard and pay attention to the details that really do make the difference. Excellence is not difficult - simply decide right now to give it your best shot - and you will be amazed with what life gives you back.

3. Steve Jobs said: “The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.”
I’ve got it down to four words: “Do what you love.” Seek out an occupation that gives you a sense of meaning, direction and satisfaction in life. Having a sense of purpose and striving towards goals gives life meaning, direction and satisfaction. It not only contributes to health and longevity, but also makes you feel better in difficult times. Do you jump out of bed on Monday mornings and look forward to the work week? If the answer is ‘no’ keep looking, you’ll know when you find it.

4. Steve Jobs said: “You know, we don’t grow most of the food we eat. We wear clothes other people make. We speak a language that other people developed. We use a mathematics that other people evolved… I mean, we’re constantly taking things. It’s a wonderful, ecstatic feeling to create something that puts it back in the pool of human experience and knowledge.”
Live in a way that is ethically responsible. Try to make a difference in this world and contribute to the higher good. You’ll find it gives more meaning to your life and it’s a great antidote to boredom. There is always so much to be done. And talk to others about what you are doing. Don’t preach or be self-righteous, or fanatical about it, that just puts people off, but at the same time, don’t be shy about setting an example, and use opportunities that arise to let others know what you are doing.

5. Steve Jobs said: “There’s a phrase in Buddhism, ‘Beginner’s mind.’ It’s wonderful to have a beginner’s mind.”
It is the kind of mind that can see things as they are, which step by step and in a flash can realize the original nature of everything. Beginner’s mind is Zen practice in action. It is the mind that is innocent of preconceptions and expectations, judgements and prejudices. Think of beginner’s mind as the mind that faces life like a small child, full of curiosity and wonder and amazement.

6. Steve Jobs said: “We think basically you watch television to turn your brain off, and you work on your computer when you want to turn your brain on.”
Reams of academic studies over the decades have amply confirmed television’s pernicious mental and moral influences. And most TV watchers know that their habit is mind-numbing and wasteful, but still spend most of their time in front of that box. So turn your TV off and save some brain cells. But be cautious, you can turn your brain off by using a computer also. Try and have an intelligent conversation with someone who plays first person shooters for 8 hours a day. Or auto race games, or roll playing games.

7. Steve Jobs said: “I’m the only person I know that’s lost a quarter of a billion dollars in one year…. It’s very character-building.”
Don’t equate making mistakes with being a mistake. There is no such thing as a successful person who has not failed or made mistakes, there are successful people who made mistakes and changed their lives or performance in response to them, and so got it right the next time. They viewed mistakes as warnings rather than signs of hopeless inadequacy. Never making a mistake means never living life to the full.

8. Steve Jobs said: “I would trade all of my technology for an afternoon with Socrates.”
Over the last decade, numerous books featuring lessons from historical figures have appeared on the shelves of bookstores around the world. And Socrates stands with Leonardo da Vinci, Nicholas Copernicus, Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein as a beacon of inspiration for independent thinkers. But he came first. Cicero said of Socrates that, “He called philosophy down from the skies and into the lives of men.” So use Socrates’ principles in your life, your work, your learning, and your relationships. It’s not about Socrates, it’s really about you, and how you can bring more truth, beauty and goodness into your life everyday.

9. Steve Jobs said: “We’re here to put a dent in the universe. Otherwise why else even be here?”
Did you know that you have big things to accomplish in life? And did you know that those big things are getting rather dusty while you pour yourself another cup of coffee, and decide to mull things over rather than do them? We were all born with a gift to give in life, one which informs all of our desires, interests, passions and curiosities. This gift is, in fact, our purpose. And you don’t need permission to decide your own purpose. No boss, teacher, parent, priest or other authority can decide this for you. Just find that unique purpose.

10. Steve Jobs said: “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
Are you tired of living someone else’s dream? No doubt, its your life and you have every right to spend it in your own individual way without any hurdles or barriers from others. Give yourself a chance to nurture your creative qualities in a fear-free and pressure-free climate. Live a life that YOU choose and be your own boss.

Each lesson might be difficult to integrate into your life at first, but if you ease your way into each lesson, one at a time, you’ll notice an immediate improvement in your overall performance. So go ahead, give them a try.